The News, The Blues

     When I absorb the news in the morning, I become conflicted. The dormant urges toward righteousness and rebellion boil to the surface and I am a one-man harpoon of humanitarian justice. Quickly following this He-Man esque transformation, is an analysis of my life in America. After this process reaches its conclusion I remain motionless while I am filled with misplaced guilt. Guilt for not being able to leave my xbox behind in favor of a skill set that might help feed a few people and guilt for not knowing who my senator is or much of anything revolving around politics. The whole experience is detestable and inevitable.

      A collision becomes a mixture and now I’m a regretful son of a society I so vigorously attempted to separate myself from. At this point, any interest in music or comedy seems overshadowed by a duty to human rights I don’t necessarily believe in. My psyche latches onto the raised fists of my younger convictions. “Damn the man! We are free!” We are not free.

      Humanity is shackled to its passions. Once ignited, they burn longer than the original transgression lasts in the memory. New atrocities are committed out of irrational anger for something forgotten a generation ago and that new assault is what perpetuates the conflict. Eventually, it becomes clear: We’re killing each other because we want to.

       How does our lovable hero cope with the suffering? He writes jokes and songs. 

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4 Social Consequences of Bathrooms

 

Bathrooms are a helpful sanctuary against the onslaught of public. To dispute this would be mad, however, there are deeper implications to the latrine than can’t be absorbed immediately upon a look. These implications echo certain aspects of our culture and expectations we have for the members of it, such as:

Plumbing becoming real.

The after-dinner ritual of dropping a hot load of fecal fudge was a widespread phenomenon and everyone could relate to the occasional misplaced step into a pile of one’s own dookie.

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                                         “Dammit.”

 

 

What wasn’t widespread yet, was the idea of using a connected series of canals to wash the poo away. The need was clear and I assume that the absence of such a contraption caused many horrible wars. That is, until a few in Greece, a few in Egypt, and a couple in the Indus Valley got together, and with their combined efforts, made the first toilets. And with them, the first lavatories.

 

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It’s like a throne I never have to get up from!

 

 

The Strengthening of Gender Roles

Back in 1887, in the great state in Massachusetts, the first division of lavatories was made by congress. Men and Women would have to do their duties in separate stalls from now on. Since this development, the social expectations of each gender have stacked and formed a wall of public judgment that envelops everyone and scares Trans-gender people.

Both genders develop a loose understanding of sexuality when they stop going to the bathroom with mom. Each side looks in awe as the other walks secretly into the restroom to do their dark and mysterious rituals.Women primp in the bathroom where they also talk about boys and compare periods. This is the fact that Men learn sometime around middle-school while they reapply deodorant and walk backwards, arching their dick for the perfect parabola into the urinal.

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 “Skill is skill”

 

These assumptions of adolescent sexuality and competition are heavily strengthened by the guided grouping of people based on gender. The separate bathrooms signify that the two sexes are different and cannot mix fully. Each must go back to their room at bed time, as it were.

This trend is concurrent throughout our lives – Boys and girls can’t share rooms, girls vs boys in gym class, women can’t out-drink men, men do the hard work and women do the domestic work, girls are from Venus and boys are from Mars. The bathroom is just another example of the separation of our sexes, but why it happens is another story. I think it’s mostly due to Man’s fear of the Pandora’s Box that is every woman’s womb.

Also begs the question: Why are we told we are equal but shown we are not? Seems a bit off to me.

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Subhumans

Our concepts of cleanliness were seriously altered.

With the toilet came the bathroom, and with that loathsome devil, came the masochistic ceremonies of cleanliness we engage in daily.

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“I hate myself.”

It could be argued that we mutilate ourselves to simulate the effects of good genes i.e. getting man-scaped.

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“I get bitches.”

 

Regardless of what could be argued, we attempt to mask or alter our scent, negate our naturally produced oils, and reverse several bodily processes all in the name of getting laid. Had we not created a specific room for the latrine, cocotry would be a completely different game.

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“Will you marry me?”

 

People would speed date in port-a-johns, a man could shit and have dinner at the same time, in the same room and the world would be a much more relaxed place but then we wouldn’t have those terrifying experiences after a horror movie now would we?

 

The Shunning of Potty Humor

When we made toilets, we made dirty toilets. We made them and took guilt-ridden doo-doos all over, liberally peeing on everything as we frolicked in our new scat-o-land…but we didn’t realize exactly what we had created. We built a room for our scatological endeavors and locked them in it, never to be brought up without jest; thus paving the way for the juxtaposition of free speech and socially accepted decency to birth the form of funny called Toilet Humor.

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“Shut up you guys.”

Even since the forces of Comedy reintroduced pussy-farts to the public forum, it’s still regarded as low-brow humor and is becoming more widely used in a postmodern fashion.

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It’s ironic.

 

Thanks for reading my haphazard investigation into bathrooms and their insidious grasp on our minds. All pictures came from Google images and that down there is the only piece of evidence I looked into. You would not believe how spotty legitimate studies on bathrooms are on the Internet.

https://www.brandeis.edu/ethics/ethicalinquiry/2012/May.html

-Josh Parks