The Bleed

The Left Side of My Head Talks to the Right Side.

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Wallowing in self-loathing is pointless. It’s an excuse to claim that you hate yourself. All it means when someone makes it a point to elaborate on how worthless they are is that they can’t handle the responsibility of being human. Shit sucks, man, that’s the world we live in. There is a jewel in the lotus though.
The sprawling, egregious grotesqueness of the world is just the background. It’s an easy background to concentrate on but it isn’t the end. The Ocean is a terrible place full of giant tentacle-monsters but it’s also one half of the source of life. We have the same gig up here on land. How fucking monstrous the world is highlights the subtle beauty in our every day lives. God might be dead but his love surrounds us. Who gives a fuck if He isn’t real, You’re not real either.
Smashing your calcium-encased, wet pile of intelligent mush against the cosmic is satisfying when you’re crying and feeling alone but it’s not for all the time. It makes no sense to live in a world behind the world you exist in. Sure, everything is actually sub-atomic particles and therefore only your perception constructs the reality in which you live. That’s somewhat depressing because everything you’ve ever loved is nothing…but so is what you’ve hated. If your mind is so powerful and the world depends on what you think of it, why is it so hard to change?
Probably because once you get there, the question becomes: What am I? Well, chief, you’re the same shit as everyone else. What makes you a special individual is what you want to perceive in you that separates you. Yeah, it’s that arbitrary. Shit blows because you want it to not because it does.
People who complain about other people complaining and use photos of dying Africans to illustrate their point are simply in service to their own false importance. They aren’t complaining about how hard their life is, but neither are the Africans. The Africans just live, they probably aren’t super stoked about it but neither are you. They don’t have America to compare their life to, they don’t care. Just like you don’t care about them aside from being fodder for your petty debates. The people exploiting starving children in other countries to make themselves feel important and moral are acting like a psychological Hitler. They aren’t helping anybody. The message in the action is “Appreciate what you have.” Okay. Do we need to drag someone else into this to make life a materialistic competition with some philosophical implications? No, fuck you, shut up.
Was there a decision long ago to never say what we mean? Our tongues are confounded and murderous. Yet words are just noises. Perception is a bitch, huh?

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